Tuesday, 20 March 2012

To kill or cure

After forgetting to pick up Tums Smoothies the last eight trips to civilization I got to thinking about possible alternate cures for heartburn. Back in the day there was little civilization to be found on this rock we call home.
Were people healthier then? Or did they just pretend so Mudder or Ole Aunt Flossie wouldn't dose them up? Because the home remedies were wicked. And some were way worse than others.
A bit of spruce beer could keep you from the scurvy. Not so bad. Got a cut? Slap on some spruce gum. Or a cobweb. Not Polysporin but not so bad. But it gets worse.
Got a cough? Mix up a brew of turnip, sugar and wild cherry bark. Or molasses and kerosene ( which could be formed into cough drops) or Minards Liniment...yes they would drink it. And that stuff could burn out your nose hairs.
Vinegar soaked brown paper was put on the ole noggin to cure a headache. I'm not sure what they did to cure the burning sensation in the eyes when the vinegar dripped in.
Now if you are worried about getting arthritis steal a potato and keep it in your pocket. The stolen spuds are more potent.
And for the love of whoever you hold holy you would have to be cracked to admit to a blister. Really. You would be cracked. Nan would take a needle...I know its not so bad...until she threaded it with homespun WOOL and ran it through the blister. Not done yet...the torture, I mean cure would continue when she snipped off the ends of the wool and left the rest to dry up the blister. Holy crap. I guess its true if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger or is it shoot me and put me out of my misery.
Pass me the Advil.

1 comment:

  1. My Aunt Joyce would take baking soda in water for heartburn...I hope you don't have it still...